"No more dreaming like a girl so in love with the wrong world." - "Blinding" by Florance and the Machine
That song sums me up a lot if I say so myself. Now that I think about it, what you went through growing up shapes who you are and how you act. I guess you can say that thanks to medication I take, it helps me to open up and enjoy the world a lot more. Yes, you read it right I take medication.
Anti-depressants to be exact.
Yes I am clinically depressed and lucky me it runs in the family (both sides to be exact) and I admit that this takes a lot to come out in the open about it and I think its high time to get in the mind of Sarah Adams. Trust me, I wouldn't coming out of this in front of everyone but I trust you guys and trust me, I don't trust easily.
First off, my childhood wasn't all the great due to me not having any friends and the bullying I got through out my elementary school years. I really didn't start to make any friends until my fourth grade year and the few friends I have that went to my school are the people I would sacrifice my life for. I also learned though elementary school that I should never trust anyone since if I did, I would get hurt and even today I still have trouble trusting people.
I'm not all that open due to the teasing and having people judged me with the things I like and why I am not like everyone else. It still hurts me when I think about it but over the years I've learned to accept and to love being too weird, too normal. Besides, being like everyone else is boring.
The depression is something I had for the last five years (six this up coming May) and this is the month where is started to happen back in 2007. Those were the dark times for me and I had no motivation and losing hope every day. I guess having a mental breakdown in your bathroom was the final straw and thus the trip to the doctor's to get diagnosed with depression and social anxiety. What a lovely combination no? I still do suffer from the social anxiety but I take it one day at a time.
I guess that now gives a little insight of my life. Just only a little slice since I still have a lot of mystery in me that I'm not ready to share but this is one step for me. To get a better feeling of this post, check out "Blinding" by Florance and the Machine to get you in the mood.
I can only imagine that this was a difficult post to write. But here's what I can tell you, as someone who was always just a little different than everyone else--you'll find your way.
ReplyDeleteI'm speechless for many reasons, but im glad u share a part of your heart with us all. :-)
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